CREATIVE PIECE: “Oh Doctor, just one more thing for you”
A short poem, written based on gut instinct by me, describing the journey of a medical student, learning the ropes of medicine and their onward path to become a doctor, always trying to fit in and to belong. It encapsulates the desire to work alongside the status quo, and not to question or change things, even when they know they are moving further and further away from their own identities and at times, not even looking after themselves the way they would their own patients. It hopefully serves as a reminder that we need to nurture ourselves and we need to pause, to think and to eat and drink, and use the toilet like anyone else. I also hope that people will notice the implications on mental health, of neglecting our physical health and this constant burden of wanting to be accepted or not trouble anyone.
This poem also reflects on how doctors struggle to seek help for their own medical problems, and wonders if this is related to a sense of professional identity and not wanting to be weak. It also implies that this is partly because we forgot our sense of self and struggle to accept we could have the same problems we so frequently treat.
It takes on a negative tone, to draw attention and make the intended points. Hopefully, people will be able to reframe the comments and pick out ways and points for change and be inspired to make these changes in their own routines and lives.
“Oh Doctor, just one more thing for you”
When we look into the mirror what do we see? A
glimpse of ourselves and a view into our souls.
Has it changed since we started this journey? From the day
we first attended medical school desperately trying to fit in and
to attain the standards of good medical practice.
Has it changed since we took our first steps onto the wards? Clueless,
lost, and desperate to be useful. Wanting to learn from
patients and staff, without being a source of trouble.
Has it changed since we first started, scurrying
around the wards? Trying to piece together clues to diagnose and
treat our patients and give the senior what they wanted?
Has it changed since we thought, let's just see just
one more patient in the admission unit? Lunch can wait we thought until
it was time to leave, and we left feeling faint and hungry?
Have we changed to cope when we see our patients die and
wonder what we could have done differently,
but barely have time, before the next patient review and
the imminent rush to get through the afternoon list?
Have we changed to cope, to pass our exams
and get through the cycle of hoops and ropes just to
provide more and question ourselves even more?
When do we stop to pause and to think? To acknowledge
when our patients wonder about incontinence, that some of us
have also got the same and ignore it and never share?
When do we stop to pause and to think? To seek help when we feel low?
Do we lose our identity by admitting to others we need the help of our own?
When do we stop to reflect and to share? When do we stop to eat and drink?
Whilst we get better at this, we hope, there will always be just another,
just one more to see? Till we feel flank pain and dizziness and building resentment.
When do we stop to say no? Do we take on everything? When do we share our selves?
What makes us tick and what makes us who we are?
Or do we always, pretend to be the same as the many others who fit in the cog
of this machine all around us and mispronounce our own names so it suits others?